Busy & Stressed!

I'm sitting in our living room. One of my little boys is cuddled up on the couch, sleeping peacefully under his sister's pink blanket; his little blue monkey lovey beside him. Outside the sun is playing hide & seek with the clouds, and the birds are chirping. Inside beautiful music is playing. My other little boy is out with his Daddy. My little girl is sleeping.
I am a little weary, and tears could easily find their way onto my cheeks if I let them.
The past week has been a little hard.
But I know I am blessed, and that God is good. In faith I trust Him to take care of us, no matter what comes our way.

Since my childhood, I have experienced terrible bouts of almost paralyzing fear. Sometimes over small things, sometimes over nothing. Just a terrible sense of dread & fear.

Recently I felt like God was peeling a giant layer off of the "onion" of my fear. I was having amazing, new found victory & understanding of the freedom I can have in Christ.

Then it seems that everything in my life started falling apart. Right now life is so difficult, and I am discouraged.
I feel like I am living a bad dream right now, or am part of an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

From the cars breaking, to potty-training (which is going really well, but makes my life A LOT more hectic....) to feeling like I run from one person's need to another all day long, to tight finances to our family having some strange sickness, to getting rear-ended last week etc. etc. - it all feels like too much.

God knows that I am a fearful person. He knows that I hate, hate, HATE my children to be sick. I worry like crazy about them, and am sure they are going to die - from even a simple fever!
but God does not give us more than we can handle or bear. He never leaves us or forsakes us. All things work together for good to them that love God, who are the called according to His promise. I am His & He is mine. His grace is enough. His mercies are new every morning.

I guess this is just another layer being peeled off. The process is painful, but in the end we will be better off for the "trails" we have gone through.

speaking of being "refined" - my life is SO crazy busy lately, and I find myself in the oddest situations! Some of them are SO HARD, but when you step back from them & look at them in a different light, they are hilarious!

Here's a few of the "exciting" things that happened today:'
1) right now, due to our strange sickness we are bathing 2x a day, and bathing each of the kids separately, washing the tub in-between. Do you know how long that takes? And afterwards, I have to put all kinds of various medicines on them (which they hate...it's painful) so they cry and scream and try to run away from me. I spend a couple of hours doing this lovely process each day, morning & evening.

2) Today while doing school with Patrick, I happened to glance over at Nicolas who had been happily playing. He was standing very still & serious beside me. Suddenly it dawned on me what he was doing, but it was too late. The first accident in about a week, so not too bad, but OH what a mess. I had to leave P in the middle of his school & Emma in her bouncy chair, screeching on and off (it's her new thing, not sure why. Sometimes she seems to be doing it in an almost happy way, other times upset!) Poo was on Nicolas, his pants, the potty & the floor before we were all done "cleaning up." Did I mention we're trying to keep everyone and everything extremely clean right now due to the sickness we have?

3) At lunch nothing looked "yummy" to me. All the easy options weren't very healthy. Emma was screeching & I was working on getting the boys food WHILE pulling stuff out of the pantry so it could be cleaned/re-organized (it was such a mess!) so I kept walking back and forth working on the boy's food & the pantry, trying to figure out what I was going to eat. I had been eye-ing the pop-tarts, but trying to resist them. Finally I gave in and put them in the toaster. Quick & Easy & Yummy. But bad for me. Oh well.
The toaster was on the lowest setting and I went off to do whatever it is I do all day, forgetting the pop-tarts AND our toaster which tends to burn things (even on the lowest setting)
Soon I heard a "pop" and there was my "lunch" - burned pop-tarts. UGH!
Meanwhile boys kept playing, laughing and "fighting" at lunch. I was still running around trying to do stuff, and Emma needed to eat, so I left them at the table & plopped down on the couch. (which had no cushions, thanks to the boys. They had used them in their mass destruction of the house earlier) I was so weary, and so discouraged. Calls of "Nicolas is bothering me!" Laughs etc. kept wafting into the living room. Finally, from the couch I threatened them with spankings & naps, and they quieted down.
When "lunch" was over & I was cleaning up & preparing to read to the boys, I finally gave in and ate one of the burned pop-tarts.

4) I was trying to juice vegetables and make dinner and ref. three kids. One needed to eat again. Of course there were a couple potty trips. More hand-washing & potty washing. Then I cut my finger AGAIN in almost the exact same place as last week. My phone was rang. Then it rang again. Then Skype rang. James was late. Nicolas was outside playing & it began to thunder. Patrick cried because Nicolas took his duplo building apart. I was trying to stop my finger from bleeding, put on a bandaid, juice, make dinner etc. etc.!

Yes, it was a crazy day! I find myself thinking that more and more often these days. Perhaps it is just my "new normal." We shall see. Life is an adventure. And every night I look down at three beautiful, sleeping children, and I feel so peaceful & blessed.........Then I go to sleep & repeat all that chaos the next day! LOL!

Thank You God, for everything You bring my way!