The last two days have been a breath of fresh air - and I don't mean the weather, although today is indeed lovely.
Sunday was a bad day. By the evening I'd managed to get James in on the gloom and doom too, and we were mad at each other and hurt.
That night we got a HUGE pile of laundry folded, while talking it all out! :) (maybe we should fight more often? no, i think not. :) )
I have so many issues and problems at times it seems. Things from my past that bug me, or attitudes in the present that just make me a miserable person. James gave me some wonderful advice and encouragement.
All these problems and issues are TOO much for me to figure out and deal with - but God is totally able to, all I have to do is go to Him.
All the stresses of life are TOO much to deal with sometimes - but all I have to do is go to God and ask Him to help me.
The last two days He HAS. He has been so good to me. I feel such peace when I communicate with Him.
Thank You God - please help me to keep at it!
In other news, we took the boys to the doctor on Monday. They both have colds and coughs, but Nicolas didn't quite seem like himself, so we decided it would be better to go in. They both are ok at this point, I just hope they go uphill instead of down. RSV makes me nervous, yet I don't want to stay in all the time.....so at times when I go out, I feel guilty!
Nicolas now weighs 12 lbs. and Patrick 35!
James is still looking for a job. He's been home now for close to 3 weeks. Thankfully we got a pay-check on the 15th from his previous job. That was the last one, but we still have the violin lessons in the evenings bringing in some income - so God is providing for us! Someone from our Church was also so sweet and generous bringing us some beef and a chicken! What a blessing.
As far as the search for a new job, James has had several opportunities to talk with people/and or interview, including one call back. One option is right here in our town and we would both SO love for it to work out, but alas, they aren't hiring right now. Maybe in a few months. One perk to all this is that I get to see James in his suit quite a lot, due to interviews! :) He looks NICE!
Today was our shopping day. One trip to the bank, a stop at Kroger, then on to Walmart where Nicolas ate and had a dirty diaper while I was changing him (and he then got his clothes changed, too!) then we shopped in Wally's and headed home. After that I hurried to make something for us all to eat, then my parents arrived to visit/drop off some meat before leaving for CA - now the boys are resting/sleeping and James is teaching lessons.....and I'm resting, too. Tonight we eat Totino's Pizzas from Wally's, so my supper prep. is EASY! (ie, nothing - except I do have to make Patrick's food) so it shall be a more relaxed evening. Maybe I'll watch a movie tonight. Oh - and enjoy my caffeine free coke :)
Happy Wednesday! We're half way to the WEEKEND!
February 25, 2009
February 22, 2009
Little Owl and Brown Bear
This is just too much :)
What adorable little boys in their animal things!
Ready to go to the park! 
What adorable little boys in their animal things! Ready to go to the park! February 05, 2009
Almost a Month Later....and Nicolas' Birth Story
The time has past quickly (in some ways!) since Nicolas was born - and it seems quite a while ago since I was pregnant! It's been wonderful to experience all this again. What a gift! I only wish my mind wasn't in such a fog from lack of sleep....I'd like to be more "clear" to process all that is going on.
Things are going well. It's definitely an adjustment. The first week and a half or two weeks were hard, due to lovely post-pregnancy hormones. I felt like crying sometimes at the drop of a hat. Things seemed depressing. Having help with the boys almost seemed like a reminder of "how on EARTH am I going to do this alone???"
But, by God's grace I am doing it, and I shall continue to. I surely need His wisdom and patience and grace to do it! I don't mean to say that life is horrible and all that, but it is an adjustment - and the newborn stage is hard in and of itself, at least for me. I don't function that well on less sleep, and change is hard for me. We are figuring out how our new family unit is supposed to look and work. But enough of all that!
Nicolas is a precious baby. He looks different than Patrick to me, but of course the same in ways, too. He has dark eyes, which I can't really tell the color on yet. He has little lines on his forehead when he stretches, which I find most adorable. and this child has personality! In his first week or so he would make very dramatic noises and faces in his sleep. (James said there was only one person this child could have descended from (*ME*) )
Today he made such a poochy little lip - and some lovely smiles! When his diaper is wet or dirty he is MOST distressed. When you lay him down and begin to change him he will often quiet down right then and there, as if to say "Ok, I can handle it, now that you are about to take this wet thing off!" His cry is too adorable and funny. Rotten parents that we are laugh at him sometimes as he is "Wahh-ing" away - with much vigor!
I could not have asked for the transition for Patrick to go much smoother than it has. He simply LOVES his baby brother, and loves to help take care of him. The first morning after Nicolas was born, Patrick got up and looked in the nursery. Nicolas was in our room, and Patrick came in looking very sad, wondering where the baby was, I think.
I think he thought perhaps we didn't get to keep the baby afterall, and that he wasn't here. When he heard/saw that Nicolas was indeed still here he was happy! The life of a second born is much different than that of a first. Nicolas gets LOTS of TLC from a 3 year old, which of course isn't always that TENDER and gentle - but believe me it IS loving care. and Nicolas seems to love his big brother. He loves to watch Patrick so much! A brother or sister is such a gift for a child, I think.
Nicolas' birth was SUCH a wonderful experience for us. I am SO grateful to God for it - and also for the experience we had with Patrick's birth as well. It is a blessing to have had two very different experiences. It is wonderful to see the hand of God in each of our boys' births. To know that HE planned each one, and had reasons for both.
Having this different birth has shown me things....given me deeper understanding of our first situation. It has made some sadness for me too....for I did lose some things with Patrick's birth. Things I had with Nicolas, because of smoothness of his birth. But it is ok. God planned it for a reason, and Patrick and I had 3 wonderful years, just the two of us. Something no other of our children will have.
Sometimes I worry about my little second born, too. His life is so different from that of Patrick's. Patrick was the ONE and ONLY. It IS different to be child #2 - but then I think - Patrick and I had that time - that one and only-ness of a first child - yet we lost some things at birth, and the first two weeks of his life. Well....Nicolas and I were not separated after his birth - but we will never have life with just the two of us. So, as my wise midwife says....It All Evens Out. :)
Speaking of Nicolas' birth, I'm going to post his birth story, which I wrote out during his first few days. Some things I didn't add in, so I'll write them here, if I can think of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First, we never did get to have an assistant at the birth! There wasn't time. Dinah was trying to call two different ladies, but I was already pushing some at that point! (I started feeling like pushing on our drive to the birth center! Fun times!) but I'm glad, anyways. I liked it just the three of us.
I am SO happy my body went into labor all on it's own! I didn't know if it would. I am SO grateful for a short, uncomplicated labor and delivery.
....It was just an ordinary day. I showered and actually curled my hair. That night we put Patrick to bed as usual, ate our pizzas and watched a movie. James brushed my hair. As labor progressed, I feared I wouldn't be able to handle the later contractions, because of how painful I thought the early ones were.....but things continued to progress, and then, all of a sudden - we had a baby! It was so fast - I was most amazed, and very, very glad.
I loved the way James was during labor and delivery. He was very with it and focused. I am so blessed to have him.
Also, an interesting thing. I don't know when my water broke! It was either when I was in the shower at home, or in the water right before Nicolas arrived. I never felt a big gush or anything :)
Because of the lack of time, we were not able to get the antibiotics for the strep B. (what Patrick was hospitalized for after his birth) This caused me much stress after Nicolas arrived, although I felt like God allowed things to go the way they did, and I could trust Him. We were advised by three different medical professionals to just observe Nicolas, and not do anything to test him for the strep. We are now almost to one month of age, and he has appeared to be healthy and normal! Praise the Lord. and here's Nicolas' Birthday Story!:
--------------------------------------------------
I had an adjusted due date of January fourth. Most calculators would have said I was due around the 29th of December, but due to some reasons, it seemed best to give me a little "extra" time.
January fourth came, but no baby. For weeks I had felt so "ready" - so much pressure, sharp pains, braxton hicks....all things I didn't remember feeling with my first. Yet at each appointment it seemed like he was still pretty high up - not too encouraging to me!
At my last appointment on January 2nd, my husband and Dinah (our midwife) were both very positive that I would have the baby soon. I wanted to believe it, but I wasn't always so sure. We did go to walk some stairs twice that week though, to see if that might encourage things along. Patrick and I also took a little walk one day at the near-by park.
On January 7th, I had some small and regular braxton hick-type contractions, then some stronger ones at 6 am the next morning. I also felt crampy.
January 8th I was very uncomfortable with cramps, contractions and some other signs that something might be up. I was uptight about the up-coming birth, and starting to freak out a little, wondering if it would all work out the way I hoped. James had a very sweet talk with me, and rubbed my back/did some other relaxing things we had learned from our birth class. That night I slept very well.
January 9th I woke up and definitely lost my mucous plug. I continued to have cramps and very sharp pains in my pelvis. As I played with Patrick that afternoon, I sat in a hands/knees position, doing a few pelvic rocks. During his afternoon nap I did lots of bouncing on the ball, as well as talking with Dinah. She suggested that I walk or do some stairs.
I thought about just walking, as it's hard to do stairs with a 3 year old, but James said I really should do the stairs, and to call his sister to come along and help with Patrick. It was late in the afternoon, and I was really hoping to leave soon on an errand to a store about 30 min. away, to pick up some food items for Patrick. I went ahead and called to see if my sil Anna could come with me, or possibly just go somewhere close by in our town. As it turned out my mil met me half way and Patrick and I were soon off with two aunties to find some stairs. We drove around for awhile, finally finding some in a parking lot of the Hilton Hotel.Anna and Gloria played with Patrick while I walked/did stairs for 10 min.After that we rushed off to the park, so I could keep my promise to Patrick of feeding the ducks before it got dark.
I noticed I was having some contractions on the drive back to drop of my sister in laws, but I didn't mention them.By the time I got home around 7, they were becoming more consistent.They stayed about every 5-10 min. apart for about an hour, then died down for awhile. We had dinner (pizza) and after Patrick was in bed, we settled in for a movie (The Christmas Wish) I sat/bounced on the ball for the whole movie, and continued to have some more contractions, pretty consistently about 5-10 min. apart.After the movie at 11 pm i laid down, and James read over our little "birth" cards from our class. We timed some more contractions (about 5 min. apart, lasting 1 to 1 1/2 min. or so) then decided to try and get some sleep. I was becoming more uncomfortable, however, and decided to get in the shower. I noticed somewhere around this time that whenever I needed to use the restroom, I would get very strong and painful contractions. I had drunk two bottles of water during the movie, so I kept needing to use the restroom!
After my shower I tried laying down again, but found myself back in the shower before too long. Eventually James got up with me, and I sat on the ball and we looked online together, to try and distract ourselves. We timed the contractions. They were now about 2 min. apart, but short. I got a few uncomfortable contractions, and ended up in the shower AGAIN.After that I was very distraught, not wanting to call/go in if nothing was going to happen (We were thinking the contractions needed to be longer...) yet not being able to sleep AND being anxious for the real thing to occur. James was so sweet, always giving encouragement, and said "here's what we're going to do" We would try to watch a movie (it was about 2 am now) and if I could be distracted by that, we'd stay home and if I couldn't, we'd go in.
James got an episode of "Adam 12" going and I joined him on the couch. In the middle of the movie I got a VERY strong contraction and jumped up, waddling off to the bathroom. I stood in the shower with it hitting my lower back (and very hot - until it all ran out that is!) leaning against the wall. I had a little counting rhythm in my head of "1,2,3,4" that I moved in time with. The contractions were strong and painful.At some point James came in and I expressed my pain and uncertainty. He said he was going to go call Dinah. When he came back, he had a happy little look on his face and said "Dinah says it's time!" I was SO excited! James went off to call the family and start loading stuff in the car, and I continued to use up the hot water, while my contractions got closer together, and continued to be strong. One thing I was stressed about was dealing with the contractions without the shower on the drive to the birth center. I told James and he said I was going to make it - and when I got the birth center I could get in the water! I was also concerned that perhaps we were going in too soon, or that it might not even be "the night" - just a false alarm.
Finally all was ready. I came out and looked at the clock. It was about 3:15. I said "Hi...bye" to Dad and Anna, and walked toward the car. It had gotten quite cold, so James went off to get my jackets. I got some strong contractions while waiting, but continued to worry that they weren't coming close enough together to be going in.
James was driving fast, but conservativly. As we drove though, my contractions were very strong and intense. I would sometimes groan. They were so painful in my back, I just wanted to twist around and escape. Breathing long slow breaths, and sometimes fast little pants did help me deal with it, and not feel like I was losing it. Along the way, my legs started to shake, and my teeth chatter. I also got one or two urges to push, where it felt like my body would almost push by itself. I went ahead and gave into the feeling once or twice, and at one point said something like "I need to push!" By this point James was a little concerned :) He says he went very fast, going up to at times 105 mph. I remember seeing lots or orange signs, and lots of familiar places. I felt very "with it" and coherent, which was nice, despite the pain. James continued to be an encouragement to me, even while driving. He honked as we went through red lights. The bumps/speed were sometimes uncomfortable for me, but soon we were at the birth center and I hurried (as much as I could, lol!) to go inside. It was about 3;50 am now.As I walked up the steps, the sprinklers turned on! I remember thinking that was funny. We walked in and were greeted with a hug by Dinah.
We walked into the room, which she had prepared so beautifully, and according to my "wishes" I'd written - music playing, candles lit. Very lovely. James commented on how "I got the room I wanted!" and I said "Uh-huh." :)Dinah suggested I lean on the bed, and it felt really good. James sat on the bed in front of me, giving encouragement while Dinah rubbed my lower back (that felt SO good) and tried to scurry about at the same time getting things ready. I was having big urges to push, where my body practically DID push by itself, so she knew we were about to have a baby. My legs continued to shake. Somehow during all this, Dinah managed to check the baby's heart-rate (which was good) and check me in-between a contraction (dilated to a 9) AND fill up the bathtub. I was in so much intense pain now, and getting more strong urges to push/already pushing. As soon as the water was ready, I practically jumped into the tub. It was SUCH a relief to the intensity of it all. I pushed one or two more times, and was feeling a little overwhelmed, like I wasn't going to be able to breathe, make it through this. Dinah was trying to get the strep B antibiotics ready, but soon realized there definitely wasn't time, so she and James came over to get ready for the arrival of little Nicolas. I squatted some, Then laid back in the tub for a little rest. Soon I was ready to push some more. I was in a squatting like position, with one leg under me and the other stretched out. I started to feel the "sting" of the baby's head, and Dinah confirmed it. I kept pushing, and soon she said his head was out, and I just needed to get the shoulders. I was SO ready for him to be out. I gathered up all my strength and PUSHED about 3 or 4 more times, groaning and hollering through them. At one point I hollered out "God help me!" Very shortly the stinging pain was gone, and I felt the very quick and slippery feeling of Nicolas being born! He was born at 4:10 am. I was AMAZED it was already over, and so very, very happy! My eyes were closed when he was born, which I am a little sad about, but it was what I needed at the time to deal with the pain. After Nicolas "flew" out, Dinah said to reach dow and pick him up. I was so excited to finally see my little baby! He was all bunched up in a little ball, slowly "un-rolling" into my arms while I exclaimed "Nicolas!!" It was so precious. I felt so "there" - taking in every wonderful first moment. James and I were in awe of our little son, ohhing and ahhing over him, and looking into each other's eyes with excitement. God was so good to us!
The next few minutes were spent talking to Nicolas, getting to know him. Soon after that Dinah and James helped me out of the tub and to the bed. A bit after that James got to cut the cord, and awhile after that Nicolas was weighed and all that good stuff. Then James diapered and dressed him. Dinah brought me food and juice, and gave us plenty of time alone to bond as a family. James called the family members. I took a shower and got dressed. About 8:00 or so we left the birth center with our little baby boy. We stopped twice to make sure he was ok, but soon found ourselves back at our little house, where we got to introduce Nicolas to his big brother Patrick (who looked a little concerned at first, but was soon in love - asking to hold him, and kissing his head saying "I love you")
Things are going well. It's definitely an adjustment. The first week and a half or two weeks were hard, due to lovely post-pregnancy hormones. I felt like crying sometimes at the drop of a hat. Things seemed depressing. Having help with the boys almost seemed like a reminder of "how on EARTH am I going to do this alone???"
But, by God's grace I am doing it, and I shall continue to. I surely need His wisdom and patience and grace to do it! I don't mean to say that life is horrible and all that, but it is an adjustment - and the newborn stage is hard in and of itself, at least for me. I don't function that well on less sleep, and change is hard for me. We are figuring out how our new family unit is supposed to look and work. But enough of all that!
Nicolas is a precious baby. He looks different than Patrick to me, but of course the same in ways, too. He has dark eyes, which I can't really tell the color on yet. He has little lines on his forehead when he stretches, which I find most adorable. and this child has personality! In his first week or so he would make very dramatic noises and faces in his sleep. (James said there was only one person this child could have descended from (*ME*) )
Today he made such a poochy little lip - and some lovely smiles! When his diaper is wet or dirty he is MOST distressed. When you lay him down and begin to change him he will often quiet down right then and there, as if to say "Ok, I can handle it, now that you are about to take this wet thing off!" His cry is too adorable and funny. Rotten parents that we are laugh at him sometimes as he is "Wahh-ing" away - with much vigor!
I could not have asked for the transition for Patrick to go much smoother than it has. He simply LOVES his baby brother, and loves to help take care of him. The first morning after Nicolas was born, Patrick got up and looked in the nursery. Nicolas was in our room, and Patrick came in looking very sad, wondering where the baby was, I think.
I think he thought perhaps we didn't get to keep the baby afterall, and that he wasn't here. When he heard/saw that Nicolas was indeed still here he was happy! The life of a second born is much different than that of a first. Nicolas gets LOTS of TLC from a 3 year old, which of course isn't always that TENDER and gentle - but believe me it IS loving care. and Nicolas seems to love his big brother. He loves to watch Patrick so much! A brother or sister is such a gift for a child, I think.
Nicolas' birth was SUCH a wonderful experience for us. I am SO grateful to God for it - and also for the experience we had with Patrick's birth as well. It is a blessing to have had two very different experiences. It is wonderful to see the hand of God in each of our boys' births. To know that HE planned each one, and had reasons for both.
Having this different birth has shown me things....given me deeper understanding of our first situation. It has made some sadness for me too....for I did lose some things with Patrick's birth. Things I had with Nicolas, because of smoothness of his birth. But it is ok. God planned it for a reason, and Patrick and I had 3 wonderful years, just the two of us. Something no other of our children will have.
Sometimes I worry about my little second born, too. His life is so different from that of Patrick's. Patrick was the ONE and ONLY. It IS different to be child #2 - but then I think - Patrick and I had that time - that one and only-ness of a first child - yet we lost some things at birth, and the first two weeks of his life. Well....Nicolas and I were not separated after his birth - but we will never have life with just the two of us. So, as my wise midwife says....It All Evens Out. :)
Speaking of Nicolas' birth, I'm going to post his birth story, which I wrote out during his first few days. Some things I didn't add in, so I'll write them here, if I can think of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First, we never did get to have an assistant at the birth! There wasn't time. Dinah was trying to call two different ladies, but I was already pushing some at that point! (I started feeling like pushing on our drive to the birth center! Fun times!) but I'm glad, anyways. I liked it just the three of us.
I am SO happy my body went into labor all on it's own! I didn't know if it would. I am SO grateful for a short, uncomplicated labor and delivery.
....It was just an ordinary day. I showered and actually curled my hair. That night we put Patrick to bed as usual, ate our pizzas and watched a movie. James brushed my hair. As labor progressed, I feared I wouldn't be able to handle the later contractions, because of how painful I thought the early ones were.....but things continued to progress, and then, all of a sudden - we had a baby! It was so fast - I was most amazed, and very, very glad.
I loved the way James was during labor and delivery. He was very with it and focused. I am so blessed to have him.
Also, an interesting thing. I don't know when my water broke! It was either when I was in the shower at home, or in the water right before Nicolas arrived. I never felt a big gush or anything :)
Because of the lack of time, we were not able to get the antibiotics for the strep B. (what Patrick was hospitalized for after his birth) This caused me much stress after Nicolas arrived, although I felt like God allowed things to go the way they did, and I could trust Him. We were advised by three different medical professionals to just observe Nicolas, and not do anything to test him for the strep. We are now almost to one month of age, and he has appeared to be healthy and normal! Praise the Lord. and here's Nicolas' Birthday Story!:
--------------------------------------------------
I had an adjusted due date of January fourth. Most calculators would have said I was due around the 29th of December, but due to some reasons, it seemed best to give me a little "extra" time.
January fourth came, but no baby. For weeks I had felt so "ready" - so much pressure, sharp pains, braxton hicks....all things I didn't remember feeling with my first. Yet at each appointment it seemed like he was still pretty high up - not too encouraging to me!
At my last appointment on January 2nd, my husband and Dinah (our midwife) were both very positive that I would have the baby soon. I wanted to believe it, but I wasn't always so sure. We did go to walk some stairs twice that week though, to see if that might encourage things along. Patrick and I also took a little walk one day at the near-by park.
On January 7th, I had some small and regular braxton hick-type contractions, then some stronger ones at 6 am the next morning. I also felt crampy.
January 8th I was very uncomfortable with cramps, contractions and some other signs that something might be up. I was uptight about the up-coming birth, and starting to freak out a little, wondering if it would all work out the way I hoped. James had a very sweet talk with me, and rubbed my back/did some other relaxing things we had learned from our birth class. That night I slept very well.
January 9th I woke up and definitely lost my mucous plug. I continued to have cramps and very sharp pains in my pelvis. As I played with Patrick that afternoon, I sat in a hands/knees position, doing a few pelvic rocks. During his afternoon nap I did lots of bouncing on the ball, as well as talking with Dinah. She suggested that I walk or do some stairs.
I thought about just walking, as it's hard to do stairs with a 3 year old, but James said I really should do the stairs, and to call his sister to come along and help with Patrick. It was late in the afternoon, and I was really hoping to leave soon on an errand to a store about 30 min. away, to pick up some food items for Patrick. I went ahead and called to see if my sil Anna could come with me, or possibly just go somewhere close by in our town. As it turned out my mil met me half way and Patrick and I were soon off with two aunties to find some stairs. We drove around for awhile, finally finding some in a parking lot of the Hilton Hotel.Anna and Gloria played with Patrick while I walked/did stairs for 10 min.After that we rushed off to the park, so I could keep my promise to Patrick of feeding the ducks before it got dark.
I noticed I was having some contractions on the drive back to drop of my sister in laws, but I didn't mention them.By the time I got home around 7, they were becoming more consistent.They stayed about every 5-10 min. apart for about an hour, then died down for awhile. We had dinner (pizza) and after Patrick was in bed, we settled in for a movie (The Christmas Wish) I sat/bounced on the ball for the whole movie, and continued to have some more contractions, pretty consistently about 5-10 min. apart.After the movie at 11 pm i laid down, and James read over our little "birth" cards from our class. We timed some more contractions (about 5 min. apart, lasting 1 to 1 1/2 min. or so) then decided to try and get some sleep. I was becoming more uncomfortable, however, and decided to get in the shower. I noticed somewhere around this time that whenever I needed to use the restroom, I would get very strong and painful contractions. I had drunk two bottles of water during the movie, so I kept needing to use the restroom!
After my shower I tried laying down again, but found myself back in the shower before too long. Eventually James got up with me, and I sat on the ball and we looked online together, to try and distract ourselves. We timed the contractions. They were now about 2 min. apart, but short. I got a few uncomfortable contractions, and ended up in the shower AGAIN.After that I was very distraught, not wanting to call/go in if nothing was going to happen (We were thinking the contractions needed to be longer...) yet not being able to sleep AND being anxious for the real thing to occur. James was so sweet, always giving encouragement, and said "here's what we're going to do" We would try to watch a movie (it was about 2 am now) and if I could be distracted by that, we'd stay home and if I couldn't, we'd go in.
James got an episode of "Adam 12" going and I joined him on the couch. In the middle of the movie I got a VERY strong contraction and jumped up, waddling off to the bathroom. I stood in the shower with it hitting my lower back (and very hot - until it all ran out that is!) leaning against the wall. I had a little counting rhythm in my head of "1,2,3,4" that I moved in time with. The contractions were strong and painful.At some point James came in and I expressed my pain and uncertainty. He said he was going to go call Dinah. When he came back, he had a happy little look on his face and said "Dinah says it's time!" I was SO excited! James went off to call the family and start loading stuff in the car, and I continued to use up the hot water, while my contractions got closer together, and continued to be strong. One thing I was stressed about was dealing with the contractions without the shower on the drive to the birth center. I told James and he said I was going to make it - and when I got the birth center I could get in the water! I was also concerned that perhaps we were going in too soon, or that it might not even be "the night" - just a false alarm.
Finally all was ready. I came out and looked at the clock. It was about 3:15. I said "Hi...bye" to Dad and Anna, and walked toward the car. It had gotten quite cold, so James went off to get my jackets. I got some strong contractions while waiting, but continued to worry that they weren't coming close enough together to be going in.
James was driving fast, but conservativly. As we drove though, my contractions were very strong and intense. I would sometimes groan. They were so painful in my back, I just wanted to twist around and escape. Breathing long slow breaths, and sometimes fast little pants did help me deal with it, and not feel like I was losing it. Along the way, my legs started to shake, and my teeth chatter. I also got one or two urges to push, where it felt like my body would almost push by itself. I went ahead and gave into the feeling once or twice, and at one point said something like "I need to push!" By this point James was a little concerned :) He says he went very fast, going up to at times 105 mph. I remember seeing lots or orange signs, and lots of familiar places. I felt very "with it" and coherent, which was nice, despite the pain. James continued to be an encouragement to me, even while driving. He honked as we went through red lights. The bumps/speed were sometimes uncomfortable for me, but soon we were at the birth center and I hurried (as much as I could, lol!) to go inside. It was about 3;50 am now.As I walked up the steps, the sprinklers turned on! I remember thinking that was funny. We walked in and were greeted with a hug by Dinah.
We walked into the room, which she had prepared so beautifully, and according to my "wishes" I'd written - music playing, candles lit. Very lovely. James commented on how "I got the room I wanted!" and I said "Uh-huh." :)Dinah suggested I lean on the bed, and it felt really good. James sat on the bed in front of me, giving encouragement while Dinah rubbed my lower back (that felt SO good) and tried to scurry about at the same time getting things ready. I was having big urges to push, where my body practically DID push by itself, so she knew we were about to have a baby. My legs continued to shake. Somehow during all this, Dinah managed to check the baby's heart-rate (which was good) and check me in-between a contraction (dilated to a 9) AND fill up the bathtub. I was in so much intense pain now, and getting more strong urges to push/already pushing. As soon as the water was ready, I practically jumped into the tub. It was SUCH a relief to the intensity of it all. I pushed one or two more times, and was feeling a little overwhelmed, like I wasn't going to be able to breathe, make it through this. Dinah was trying to get the strep B antibiotics ready, but soon realized there definitely wasn't time, so she and James came over to get ready for the arrival of little Nicolas. I squatted some, Then laid back in the tub for a little rest. Soon I was ready to push some more. I was in a squatting like position, with one leg under me and the other stretched out. I started to feel the "sting" of the baby's head, and Dinah confirmed it. I kept pushing, and soon she said his head was out, and I just needed to get the shoulders. I was SO ready for him to be out. I gathered up all my strength and PUSHED about 3 or 4 more times, groaning and hollering through them. At one point I hollered out "God help me!" Very shortly the stinging pain was gone, and I felt the very quick and slippery feeling of Nicolas being born! He was born at 4:10 am. I was AMAZED it was already over, and so very, very happy! My eyes were closed when he was born, which I am a little sad about, but it was what I needed at the time to deal with the pain. After Nicolas "flew" out, Dinah said to reach dow and pick him up. I was so excited to finally see my little baby! He was all bunched up in a little ball, slowly "un-rolling" into my arms while I exclaimed "Nicolas!!" It was so precious. I felt so "there" - taking in every wonderful first moment. James and I were in awe of our little son, ohhing and ahhing over him, and looking into each other's eyes with excitement. God was so good to us!
The next few minutes were spent talking to Nicolas, getting to know him. Soon after that Dinah and James helped me out of the tub and to the bed. A bit after that James got to cut the cord, and awhile after that Nicolas was weighed and all that good stuff. Then James diapered and dressed him. Dinah brought me food and juice, and gave us plenty of time alone to bond as a family. James called the family members. I took a shower and got dressed. About 8:00 or so we left the birth center with our little baby boy. We stopped twice to make sure he was ok, but soon found ourselves back at our little house, where we got to introduce Nicolas to his big brother Patrick (who looked a little concerned at first, but was soon in love - asking to hold him, and kissing his head saying "I love you")
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