1) Today is my cousin Briana's Birthday! Happy Birthday 'cuz! We love you!
2) Twelve years ago today, my Mother was taken to the hospital via an ambulance. It was the day that started a long journey. A journey that could have ended in the loss of my dear Mother - but God spared her life. I remember the day well. My grandmother lived with us at the time. I was 15 years old. Someone dear to my heart was at our house for a visit. That someone is now my husband, but on this day 12 years ago he was only a 19 year old young man. I remember that as the day had progressed, Mama had been quite droopy. She rested quite a bit in desk chair. That evening she was still sleeping. Things were just not right. My brother Jedidiah and I were practicing a piano duet when it all seemed to reach a critical point.
Things get a little blurry after that, but I remember my dad coming in and I'm assuming calling an ambulance. Jedidiah and I went back to my parents room where we knelt and prayed. It was a very scary and confusing time for me.
I remember the ambulance outside our house, wheeling my mother away. I believe we had contacted James, and he was on his way to our house. I remember that I stayed at home while Mama was taken to the hospital. I remember going in my room (which was *very* messy)....
After that, things seemed to calm down a bit. Mama was put in a room and was supposedly going to be alright. Daddy, Jedidiah and I went to visit her. That is a pretty hard memory. When we arrived to see her, she was not really conscious. She seemed to almost be foaming at the mouth. I don't have clear memories of how things happened after that, but Mama soon went from a regular hospital room to the ICU where the fight really began.
It was discovered that she had a staph infection which turned into septic blood.
What dark days and nights followed. Yet through it all how good God was to us! So many dear, dear friends rallied around us to share their love and support. People came to visit, brought us food, gave us money, and most importantly prayed for Mama. As with any hospitalization there were ups and downs. In the medical explanation, my mother should not have lived. I remember hearing my father on the phone one night saying "Suzi's dying." There was talk of the doctor's wanting to amputate her leg.....but she did not die, and she has both her legs today! God had other plans, and nothing is impossible with God! It was a long road. Mama was in the hospital from April 23rd until June 3rd, I believe. She endured many, many terrible things. She had a trake put in, had a blood transfusion, was confined to bed for weeks, went through rehab....but on that June day in 1997 she, with the help of a walker, WALKED into our little tan house on Nash street. God is so good. Praise the Lord! I am so glad that she is here today. I'm so glad she didn't miss her children's weddings or the birth of her grandchildren!
Then on to the 3rd reason this day is special. One year ago tonight I discovered I was pregnant with our precious Nicolas! Our precious gift from God!
I had gone to Wal Mart by myself. With my other purchases was a pregnancy test. When I came home I used the test right away, but without telling James. I stood there watching the test as TWO pink lines appeared on the screen. I was a combination of amazed and not-surprised - and of course so excited! I remember it all went by so quickly. Soon after I took the test I hid it under the sink and went on with the evening. It was my little secret for a few hours.
I had gone to Wal Mart by myself. With my other purchases was a pregnancy test. When I came home I used the test right away, but without telling James. I stood there watching the test as TWO pink lines appeared on the screen. I was a combination of amazed and not-surprised - and of course so excited! I remember it all went by so quickly. Soon after I took the test I hid it under the sink and went on with the evening. It was my little secret for a few hours. A little history....When I told James I was pregnant with Patrick, I just walked into the office and stuck the test in front of his face (while he was doing our taxes, no less!)
When we found out we were expecting #2, I planned a nice romantic evening to surprise him with, complete with a personalized card I made. Then we lost Jamie.
With #3 I repeated the scenario of #1. I walked into the apartment dining room where James was doing his computer and showed him the test. Then we lost Jaide.
So by the time we were given our #4 we were a little more cautious about it all. In telling James I wanted to do something different and fun. I kind of liked having my secret, yet I'm *terrible* at keeping secrets....so that night after we had gone to bed we were talking, and James was teasing me about something. I joked back "That wouldn't be a nice thing to do to your pregnant wife!" I think he said "Are you pregnant?"
I like to think of it as our "Jimmy Stewart" announcement....kinda like how Mary told George about their baby in "It's a wonderful life" :)
After the deaths of our other babies, Nicolas' pregnancy seemed very "iffy."
We told our families about 6 or 7 days later, then slowly and rather quietly started letting it out other ways. At our first and second visits with the midwife it was too early to hear Nicolas' heartbeat, so up until our third appointment I was unsure at times whether everything was "ok" with our little one. On that third appointment day Dinah got out the Doppler and put it on my tummy. I waited and wondered. She had a little trouble, but then - there it was! Our little baby, who we now know as Nicolas was alive and well! It all felt so much more "real" after that!
God continued to watch out for Nicolas. For the rest of his days, Nicolas' life will be in the hands of the Lord. Life is a very fragile thing. I continue to learn that. As a parent you do not like to feel out of control of your children's lives. You love them with every ounce of your own life, and the thought of anything every happening to them is devastating. But it is not in our hands. It never has been. Life cannot begin without God ordering it, and it cannot end without Him allowing it, either. So we simply have to trust. and enjoy every moment He gives us. It is a gift. Every child God gives, for no matter how long, is a gift.
Nicolas is a gift.
Nicolas is a gift.
Sometimes I look at him and think what a miracle he is. (and for the record, I believe EVERY new little life is a miracle!) Our arms waited a long time to hold a baby again. We lost two - but now, here he is. Not to take the place of our two little ones in Heaven....but to fulfill his own little spot in our family, and in this world...and also to comfort our hearts after our losses. He is Fearfully and wonderfully made. Ten little fingers, ten little toes. Squishy cheeks and a soft fuzzy head. We love him so! Thank You God for Nicolas!!!
Nicolas Elliott....."Victory of the People (through) The Lord(who) is my God"
