Baby Number Three Thoughts

Baby #3 is on it's way. Technically my due date is October 30th, however, I'm pretty convinced that I need around 42 weeks to cook a baby - which would make my due date more like November 11th. As much as I'd like to *not* go 42 weeks, I do really like the idea of the birth date: 11-12-10 BECAUSE Patrick's birthday is 12-8-05, then Nicolas' is 1-10-09 and if this one was born on the 12th, that would make them all in months following each other, and climbing up from the 8th in two day steps....just a silly little thing I thought of.

We haven't seen the midwife yet. Still trying to figure out all those details, plus it didn't make much sense to go until we could try to hear a heartbeat. I'll be relived when we hear that! I've never really been one to wait to tell the news, even after having two miscarriages that were pretty early on (One was 6ish weeks and the other the baby died at 7ish weeks, but I think maybe my body didn't realize it till later?) but, I do feel a little bad talking about "when the new baby comes!" to Patrick, because maybe something will happen....BUT, something could happen anytime, right? So, we might as well enjoy the time that God gives each of our children!

Patrick really wants a sister, however he is seems excited when we talk about it possibly being a boy, too. If it's a boy, we are planning on naming him William Alec. That's what we thought about naming Nicolas, but one day I realized that I just wanted to name him Nicolas soooo badly, and my sweet hubby was won over! :) We're so glad we named him that, too. He is such a little Nicolas! :) James still really likes the name William Alec though, and it seems that it shall be for our 3rd son, if that is what we have now or maybe even if one should come at a later point!
Actually, most everyone I talk to hopes this baby is a girl!
I go back and forth. In one way I'm really ready for a girl (I think!) but on the other hand, three boys sounds like such fun!!!
I know that God has already picked out the gender of this sweet little person, and has placed him or her perfectly in our family as a boy or girl - so I'll be delighted either way!
I'm hoping to find out ahead of time. I like to be prepared!

Some days I feel overwhelmed thinking about all the responsibilities that I have such a hard time keeping up with already, and don't know how I'll keep it all up with another wee one.
But the thing that is the hardest for me right now is how I feel about myself and my weight. I am really depressed about it. It affects my relationship with my husband, and even how I feel about going out to walmart and such.
When I was pregnant with Patrick, I was similar to what I weigh now. After Patrick I lost SO much weight, mostly due to all my diet restrictions due to my gallbladder problem. When I had my gallbladder taken out, I was no longer restricted on what I could eat, and I gained back some of the weight I lost. Then I got pregnant with Nicolas. I don't even know how much I gained with him. After Nicolas I did exercise some....but then I stopped, and somehow, now I find myself near my old original weight and pregnant, with only the possibility of gaining more weight looming in my future. I feel like I already am so big and awful looking, that I won't be able to bear how I'll look when I'm 40-42 weeks pregnant! Of course I'm going to *try* to only gain a minimal amount this time, so maybe that will help....but I didn't gain that much with Patrick, and I looked SO....well, ya know.
I also find myself back at the basic worries I had when I was newly pregnant with Nicolas - will I be able to do this? I felt like maybe I had a better chance my second time around, because I did weigh less than my first pregnancy - but now I'm at a similar weight to my first pregnancy - and that labor had some problems....of course that's a whole 'nother subject, because different people have different opinions on weight and labor and birth PLUS my gallbladder really threw a wrench in my first labor and delivery.

So, that's the extremely detailed version of my thoughts on pregnancy right now :) aside from those things, we are so delighted that another little person is coming to join our family. Patrick and Nicolas are so so so much fun - and we know that another wee one will only add the the wonderfulness! :)