It's June...

Here it is already June 2007! Where has all the time gone....

Just a little over 7 months ago I came home from a shopping trip and saw this....The day was October 21st, 2006...

On that shopping trip, I'd bought a pregnancy test....and it turned out to be positive. I was pregnant! I was shocked and surprised and excited...and probably a lot of other emotions, too!

That evening I gave my husband a card that told him about our second child.and about a week later, we were sharing the happy news with our family and friends...That was a busy and changing time for us. James had been having major career shifts, and had started working at a temp. job just about a month before we found out about Baby G #2

Well, about two weeks after finding out about our new baby on the way, James started a new full time job. It was a little over an hour away from our house, and made for some big adjustments-including a move on the horizon.

It was also during this time that we traveled to CA for my cousin's wedding. My brother also got engaged during that trip. His wedding was scheduled to be just a little over a month after that (he was in school, and they could get married during the holidays or wait until Spring break or later....)

It was during this trip that I experienced the first signs that something might be wrong with our baby...

A few days after arriving home, I went in for a sonogram.....I went alone, with Patrick. I was going to have someone watch him, but it fell through at the last minute. The receptionist watched him for me while I had the sonogram. I'd never had a sonogram for a baby before....how sad that my very first chance to see my baby before birth would bring such terrible news.....

The news that our little one would not be joining our family. It had gone to Heaven to be with Jesus.

I laid there and think I said "alright" or "Ok"

I paid the lady, I went and got Patrick from the receptionist and I walked out to my car....I went to James' work and we talked and I cried some. Then we went to get some lunch at McDonald's together.

Soon after I arrived home, my parents stopped by...

The next day was Thanksgiving...

My parents came over and brought a meal, then later we went to James' parent's house. We didn't talk a lot about the baby, but Dad Gallagher gave us something that a friend had given him for us....this poem...

"Precious One"

Out of my womb and into His arms Safe from this world, Precious, safe from harm

You'll live all my years in my memory But in glory you'll live for eternity

Innocent, Beautiful, Tender One You've many an Angel to watch you run

And many a Saint who will offer care But the joy of all joys is that Christ is there

This Christ who will hold you while we're apart Is the Christ who is mending my broken heart

So run free, my Precious, now laugh and sing You are safe in the gardens of Christ our King

While here I'll keep serving my God and then When He calls I'll be with you , my love, again!

Norma Gonzalez

About a week later, I lost my baby. I was home alone with Patrick. James was on his way home from work, but had stopped by the apartments we were thinking about moving to. He was calling me and trying to ask me some important questions, but I was having a hard time knowing what to tell him.....

....Just a few days later I drove with my mom to Garland and looked at the potential apartment. A few days after that it was final. Our moving date was set for December 16th.

Just about 9 days after losing our baby was Patrick's first birthday.

The day after that we had a small, mostly family party for him. The only "non-family" people were our friends the Duncans. The Duncan's have two children. Their youngest and Patrick were born exactly one month apart....

Some things were already packed up...I remember that during P's party, our landlord stopped by to show our house to a prospective renter....

In the week between P's party and our moving date, I went into Dallas twice for thing related to my teeth. on my second trip I got a root-canal....It had been a LONG drive to the dentists, and after driving all the way back home, I pretty much had to turn around and drive to Garland to sign papers with my husband. That night we looked at the apartment, and I felt very blue....

Two day later we moved. We moved from a three bedroom house to a two bedroom apartment - on the third floor!

Things were so busy during that time! Christmas came, then my brother's wedding in Wisconsin on the 30th....wow life just whizzed by....and here we are. It's June.

We didn't know exactly when our baby would be born....The earliest it might have arrived was late May--and the latest early July....and it's awful not knowing exactly when "he" should have arrived....

So June means that it would of nearly been baby time for me....if Jamie hadn't died.

If Jamie had lived, we would be adding another sweet little one to our family. Patrick would have a little brother (or sister!)

I wonder what he would have looked like? It's amazing to think that back when Jamie went to Heaven, he was a little person....If he had continued to grow for 7 more months, he would have been arriving sometime around now....he would have had soft little baby skin and maybe some fuzzy, soft hair. He would of had little eyes that opened and closed and stared into ours.

We'd be back to waking up in the night for feedings, and sleeping with a cuddly, warm newborn between us.....We'd be learning about living life with two children.

But here it is June...and there is no tiny little baby's presence here. Patrick has grown so much - I know he's still a baby, but you know-he's not a little baby....and he is all alone without any siblings. He loves other children so much. I took him to the park yesterday and he laughed and laughed at the antics of some boys playing.

June is here....when it passes, Jamie's chapter will really be closed....how it hurts to think about that. He should be arriving now, but he won't be. We will go on without him forever.

It's rather a confusing thing to lose a baby to miscarriage. So real-yet unreal at the same time. Feeling so many things.......goodness, life is complex....or maybe I'm just complex!

Maybe June will be a healing month....